Relay for Life

Saturday night I trekked it on down to Relay for Life. I'd like to say it was because of my commitment to cancer research, but it was more an attempt to relieve boredom than anything else.

TNJ, a natural at questioning authority, came up with the ingenious plan to reverse the walking direction at midnight. People had been walking counterclockwise around the track since 9 that morning. At midnight mista NJ came out and said, "All right! We're supposed to change direction at midnight!" He convinced the walkers that it was true, and many even walked their first backward lap while wagging their finger in the air in circles to indicate the switch.

Convinced of his i'm-da-shitness, TNJ spent the next 10 minutes musing about how most people blindly follow the crowd through life and don't think for themselves. It seemed a little melodramatic, especially since most people probably don't give a flying fudge which way they walk at Relay for Life. And for some reason the people we played poker with insisted on playing counterclockwise. Here, mista NJ protested, but played on anyway upon finding out that nobody else cared. A contradiction, eh?

This passes for interesting on a Saturday night here.

I'd like to congratulate Bear Pascoe and Tom Bran...stateAAh!, on getting drafted Sunday. Maybe once outside of the valley our boy Tom will blossom. He's a three-year starter, stands 6-5, weighs 230 pounds, and throws the ball on a rope when he wants to. He's a good metaphor for Fresno itself, cuz it really shouldn't suck that bad here! Anyway, if he can get over his mental tendency to completely freak at the first sign of trouble he ought to be good.

More importantly, I'm going to miss getting drunk and yelling his name like that.

Lastly, this swine flu thing is a little creepy. It just came out of nowhere! This time yesterday I'd never heard of it and now I've read four articles about the "pandemic" and it's all over Facebook and everything else. Bird flu, mad cow and SARS ended up being nothing, but I've read The Stand, and I'm still scared.

So, if you are one of the lucky survivors who made it through the swine flu pandemic that killed 99% of the population and you happen to be reading this... look man, don't rebuild Fresno.

(J/K, of course!)

Fresnomore's #1 fan!

Here he is, the lone worshipper of all things Fresnomore (and all things um, heroin) Heroinhead. I'd like to thank the academy, this is very fitting for a blog of this nature.


I need to ween myself of caffeine, as I have crashed before the time even came to update this thing.

Thanks again to heroinhead for becoming fresnomore's first follower. You are... quite interesting.

Spring football practice began yesterday. Checking out these pictures, if you go about 2/3rds of the way you down you get a picture of Derek Carr and Ryan Colburn with the caption "Ryan Colburn back to back with Carr."

It's like a wet-dream for overzealous, obsessive Fresno State fans (which is good, because I doubt they're getting much action), kind of reminds me of a scene from Requiem for a Dream.

"Groooooooooooooooooooooooooss!"

Bran...stateAAh!

All riiiiiiiight! Checking out the ol' (not that it'll ever get old) valleysportspulse.com, we see a story about how our boy Tommy Brandstater did well at the NFL combine. Check out the advice his agent gave him about his torn lat muscle:

“When we first warmed up, you weren’t supposed to have any phones, any contact with anybody,” Brandstater said. But I snuck my phone out there and texted my trainer. I said I can’t do this anymore. There’s no way I’ll be able to throw. I’ll just make myself look bad. He never responded, so I just kind of said screw it. I’ll just go out there and see what I can do.”

Boy, his trainer sure was worried about his draft status! "Ah, it's Stater again... I'm too busy with, um, this bottle of shampoo right now."

So he did well at the combine, but at day's end his muscle was 70-percent torn. Looks like our boy is in for a great NFL career.

(Brandstater wonders where it went wrong. "I really thought he liked me this time!")


Baseball:
Looks like our National Championship baseball team is off to a hot start, they beat Buffalo (Buffalo?) 20-0 Saturday night for their fourth win over that team in just over a week. It looked like a good Nelson-from-the-Simpsons style bullying joke would work well here, but Fresno provides better comedy. In the 7th inning, the Moog-synthesizer-inspired PA system went out. We hold these truths to be self-evident... that Fresno is jacked.

(PA guy with ghetto bullhorn: "Your attention plese, FSU now has a new mascot. Time Out will be replaced by "Time Off." The position has been filled by whoever the Hell runs the facilities crew.")

What, oh what will Monday bring to F-No. more