Alas, my lovely vacation from the 'No is 'No more. However, this did give me an update of the airport. Whereas I have made fun of the FAT in the past for it's high praise of Yosemite Park at the expense of the city of Fresno, it has really outdone itself this time:
(Fresnomore sincerely apologizes for the insanely low quality of the pictures)
They now have life-sized replicas of the redwood trees to give off the impression that you are actually
inside the park! It's gone from "Don't pay attention to the Fresno part" to "Don't worry, you're not really even in Fresno." Both baggage claim conveyors also have big pictures of the dome thingy now.
Another Fresno First happened today. Heading down to Target on Blackstone I noticed something peculiar; the Target was closed!
"Not our fault! If you're in Fresno, you've obviously missed the target anyway."
No idea why this Target is closed. Also, I didn't know the entire storefront can be covered
a la the garage at your house. Cool! Except that I can't buy a dress shirt for 3 dollars now...
Lastly, while the
Easter picnic shooting and the apparently-heated
Bullard pool controversy are tempting, I'll leave you this Sunday with a more personal take on the weirdness in Fresno. You see, while my good buddy and fellow non-Fresnan Abazu was away, his cramped fridge became even more crowded:
This is yet another ongoing problem for him, as he gets less and less room for his own things. And I know what you're thinking; "Really? You're that biased that you're complaining about your friend's refrigerator? As if that one fridge represents every single fridge in Fresno?"
Yes, I am, but that's just it. There isn't one thing that makes this city weird, nothing you can definitively put your finger on. It's a multitude of small things that make no sense which eventually build into a cacophony that pushes you ever so slightly closer to insanity every day you spend here. Of which, this is a good example.
Abazu has a few grapes and a loaf of bread in the bottom shelf. Among the things you will find in this veritable
Where's Waldo or
Who's Who of Fresno Refrigerator Items are at least 3 bottles of liquor and an energy drink which all have been there since at least September (not sure why the liquor bottles need to be refrigerated), three separate loaves of bread (all open), at least two 2-liter soft drink bottles (in place since January), eggs, oranges which were placed squarely in the middle of the thing instead of a drawer (you know, where you'd expect to find them) and, as you can see, TONS and TONS of Tupperware (who knows if any of the food contained therein is any good at this point).
I once got bold and drank one of the energy drinks which lingered in the murky depths of the back right-hand corner of the fridge. Abazu received a complaint soon thereafter about how that drink would have been used for studying that night. Not only is this negligible on its own terms seeing as how old the drink was, there was another months-old energy drink in the back
left-hand corner of the fridge that, apparently, neither party knew about.
If not yet convinced that this is a true Fresnism, remember two more things:
1. The people who push this fridge to its limits with bacteria-laden leftovers simultaneously refuse to use (or let anyone else use) the dishwasher because they view it as unsanitary.
2. Believe it or not, there is also a mini fridge on the other side of the room, itself packed with unused liquor bottles and a 5-gallon jug of spring water.
I'd drink from the liquor bottles in order to forget where I was, but then it would inevitably be the one night they were going to use them... Only
What's next, swarms of locusts eating the crops? I mean, I read about these things in text books and stuff when I was a kid, but this still happens here? Apparently my mental image was a little off, as a huge cloud of dust never engulfed my house. But jeez, isn't the air here bad enough already?
