You've just won 10 million dollars!!!... If I can come up with it.

"Um, yea... about that..." (Kudos to the bee for snapping such an appropriate pic)

The first real Fresno-esque news I've seen in a bit, and yet another textbook example of this city creating the type of nightmare most people don't know is possible.

So this dude, an ex-FSU football player, goes out and says he's donating 10 million bucks to the athletics department. Hey that's awesome, we ran a huge debt last year and we're facing huge budget cuts, this guy is a life saver!

Unfortunately I missed the big * next to the word pledge. He hasn't actually given anybody a dime, and apparently he may never. Seriously, who does that!? Where else does shit like this happen!? They didn't check his bank account?? Could I waltz over to some office and say I'm donating 10 mil and get not one, but TWO stories about me in the paper!? (You know, the second one comes out when they realize I'm broke)

On to the article:


Tipsters have provided The Bee and other news organizations with many allegations about Bigelow and his company. But none have been willing to go on the record with first-hand information and none of the claims could be verified.


Whatever Kudos actually are, I'm taking them back from the Bee.

The only blemish on Bigelow's legal record is a 2008 arrest for drunken driving and a later probation violation in which authorities said he drove with a suspended license.

Bigelow paid $1,720 in fines in the first case -- but only after it was sent to collection, Fresno County court records show.

So they squeezed 17 hundred bucks out of him after sending it to collections. He's gonna be like those people you see on the TV commercials, debt collectors calling day night and day: "I'm calling on behalf of Fresno State, you still owe us 10 million dollars. We're sending it to collections."

The rest of the article is just weird, here's the web gem:

"I've talked to several athletic directors around the country on very large donations and it's never been like this in any other community," Bigelow said.

Proof positive! Jordan fourth quarter in '92! Swoosh! Fresnomore

Excitement in the air...

Now that I've broken the seal, might as well keep laying it on VSP. Takada has a new column up (which I haven't read yet) that I will now make fun of.

Let's see........ oh here's one!

My countdown to football season has begun. And there are plenty of questions that I can’t wait to see answered, unless any of you can answer them for me.

So if I can answer the questions then you CAN wait to see them answered. I love statements like this.

4-Will Fresno City College get over the hump and win a bowl game for the first time since 2003?

They have bowls at the FBS (Fooball Bowl Subdivision) level and playoffs at the FCS (Football Championship Subdivision), D-II, and D-III levels. I guess they make it symmetrical by returning to bowls at the WGAF (Who gives a fuck) level.

11-Is Pat Hill going to use Ebahn Feathers in the pistol formation?

Is George Takada an idiot?

13-Will Fresno State win the WAC for the first time since 1997?

Here is where Takada makes the real web gem. We last won the WAC in 1999, and Colorado State won it in 1997. It took me less than 30 seconds to look that up... sigh

16-Is Tom Brandstater an NFL caliber quarterback?

I know you want to wait if I know the answer, but 'No.

Okay, enough of this. I'm bordering on violating an important rule.

Iiiiiiiiironyyyyyyyyyyyy

I got a very nice complement about this here ol' blog a few days ago. Freaked out when I saw a comment as I'm always afraid it'll be from some high-ranking official who has discovered the site trashing his city (in good fun of course!!...) and is vowing to hunt me down at any cost.

But this one was nice. He complemented the conciceness of the blog, how it was updated often and stayed on subject. The being famous part was nice, I'm sure it's a pipe dream every blogger has (cough cough fresnofamous.com cough), but eh.

SO, I finally found the comment -- after updating 2 times in 2 weeks with stuff about Las Vegas and San Francisco A.K.A. doing the opposite of the ish I got the complement for. Stupid me.

But hey, that's Fresno.

Back on da topic:

"I'm comin' out. I want the world to know..."

Truth in advertising came out from the Bee a few days ago, and for once I completely agree with some valley politicians.

The article details the difficulties of the valley legislators in getting any attention for their region of the State ("The Armpit of California"). Apparently towns like Mendota have 40% unemployment rates, which is admittedly a shocking number.

So they're organizing a march on Washington (still unscheduled) and marched locally for water last month.

It's not an opinion piece, but the article nonchalantly asserts the New York Times as "agenda setting" because it put the valley water march on page A17. Dude, the paper operates out of NEW YORK. What you expect? And have any of these unemployed thought of the obvious thing, LEAVING!?

As the story goes, Americans don't care about the unemployment rate here because it's always high. They also don't buy the farmers' excuse that environmental protection is ruining them since there's plenty of food. And they don't care about food shortages from the world's richest agricultural region because prices haven't gone up.

In other words, they have no incentive to feel sorry for the people here. Another tragedy of modern life. Farms the world over can fill in our gap, men are outdated.

THE POINT:

They need to succeed! They need to march on Washington! They need to get the attention of Barack Obama!! (after Saturday night I'm sure he could make some priceless Fresno jokes) Everyone in America needs to know about this!!!

...Cuz if everybody knows, suckers like me will know better than to move here. Oh no, oh Fres-'No, more

The Olde Fresno Dust Bowl Revolution of 2009

In today's news, we have an impending dust storm... Really?

What's next, swarms of locusts eating the crops? I mean, I read about these things in text books and stuff when I was a kid, but this still happens here? Apparently my mental image was a little off, as a huge cloud of dust never engulfed my house. But jeez, isn't the air here bad enough already?

And, as if the economy here isn't bad enough already, the city is putting a new plan before Obama and the Govanaata. They couldn't get the coveted "economic disaster area" label based on unemployment rates, so now they're taking the drought angle. And they didn't even throw in the dust bowl part. Come on guys, use it or lose it!

They should too, the dust bowl thing that is. Obama got desperate enough to not come here that he went on the freaking Leno show. Just tell him it's a dust bowl. He probably won't even look into it and we'll get some extra stimulus money! (I mean ish, if you told me ANYTHING happened here I'd be inclined to believe you.)

With any luck, I'll be able to attend Fresno's tea party tomorrow and report on it, maybe even confiscate some of the tea for my fridge! But this is Fresno, so I probably won't have any luck.

Store bought just ain't the same...

After reading today about the ridiculous tea parties going on across America, I should have known that there would be one here.
(What passes for clever to old white people)

How these are supposed to relate to the original Boston tea party I don't even know. The slogan, "Taxed Enough Already" is such a sham that I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. Anybody else wanna bet that the idiots pouring out Arizona brand iced tea across America don't make 200,000 dollars a year or more? Hmm, I'm sure I could find some Fresno idiot to take me up, maybe even the guy who said this:

"We're being taxed without being heard. We're hoping to get enough people involved, and have a loud enough voice, to force the politicians to listen to us."

"So, you didn't get to vote last November? Oh, you did!? And, hey, aren't you about to have your words quoted in the local newspaper? Oh, you are!?!? Well, in that case you sound kind of like a whiny only child!"

Aren't tea parties an English thing? I thought y'all hated foreign countries. And hey, you could drink the tea you know! Save some money since you're so conservative! To recap, they're raising Hell in support of rich folks who screw them over every day, and whining about getting taxed less!

As I get older, it saddens me to find that the right really exists like this. I keep waking up thinking, "There has got to me more to these people than this. They really believe this childish bullshit!?!?"

Speaking of which, the govanaata was in Fresno today!

Reading the article, the state of California becomes even more baffling. Apparently, he's here in order to support a program which will train health care workers because there aren't enough here already. Aren't we in a recession? Isn't the unemployment rate skyrocketing in this "economic disaster area?" And people still aren't trying to get into this field? Then there's the fact that government money will pay to train people. Aren't conservatives against that sort of thing? I thought the free market was supposed to fix the problem. And aren't there millions of "illegals" who would die for a job like that and fix the problem that way?

As the scientists say, these proposals are not even wrong. Refuting them gets us no closer to an actual solution. You ask if these are good ideas, and I respond, "F-No!"

Gottschalks

Gottschalks went out of business today, as one of the two liquidation companies beat out a Chinese company which would keep the place open. Very sad.

Random Ridiculous Fresno story of the day: Mom of boy found eating trash in Madera park arrested.

Lastly, Fresno now has a new hockey team, the Fresno Monsters. I'm officially scared.

I apologize for the lack of output recently, I have been quite busy. I promise to find (Fresno)more material soon!