It's got a pulse

I'm sorry dog, but it's time to start the death clock for valleysportspulse.com

I was seriously excited when I heard about the site, but it just ain't cuttin it. One of the lead columns has been up since April 2nd and has the following subheadline:

Fresno State head coach Pat Hill is not one for offering many prospects before their senior year.

I check this site several times a week, and every single time I try to figure out how to fix this sentence. I think the words "a scholarship" would help right? But even then it's still SO AWKWARD!!

Then there's Takada's latest column (Up since April 29th) about the Oakland Raiders.

"psssssssst. it's called valleysportspulse.com dumbass!!!"

And dude, nobody thinks Al Davis is a good owner. You might as well write about how walking involves legs.

Now look at some of the quotes from the welcome column "written by Andrew Marden."

I suuuuuuuuuuuuuure don't know how, but for some reason more of the shit is about Takada than the site! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm:

He also believes he is the right person to run this operation. And why not? George Takata has lived in the valley since 1985. He has been on TV in the valley since 1996.

I mean shit, as long as there isn't anyone who has lived here longer than 24 years or been on TV before '96 I guess he's right!

“People have always asked me when I was going to try and make the jump to a larger market,” says Takata."

Translation: "When will I not have to see you anymore? I can't stand your cocky ass!"

He credits friend Chris Miller for coming up with the name “valleysportspulse.com.” But now it’s his name - George Takata - that’s all over the media kits and the business cards.

How surprising

What is valleysportspulse.com?

That is a question owner/president George Takata has been asked several times over the past few months.

Quit asking, that's rude. And before you go off about the difficulty of working on a budget or the economy or whatev, look how many times Fresnomore has been updated since April 2nd...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disbarred Fresno lawyer questions himself at trial

Not much going on today, I'm moving all my ish out for the summer and I leave town tomorrow!

Haven't noticed anyone else commenting on this, but come on, it's so damn funny. The lawyer saga continues:

On the witness stand Wednesday, Morris asked himself whether he had stolen any money from his clients.

"Absolutely not," he answered.

But if a theft occurred, Morris asked himself, should he be held accountable?

"At the time I was not myself," he told the panel. "I did not understand the consequences of my actions."

I can't even figure out the logistics! Did he actually run between the witness stand and where the questioner normally sits ala Speedy Gonzalez playing tennis? Did he just recite the monologue like it was nothing unusual?... Hmmm, it might actually work for him. He does sound pretty insane to me...

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I walked past an overweight, basically unattractive woman yesterday and overheard her say she was against abortion because women make their "choice" to get pregnant when they open their legs. No seriously.

The chick being anti-abortion was not surprising, but the language! Who says that!?

Dr. Laura should move here. In fact, she should trade places with me.

"You'd fit right in, BITCH!!!"

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So dude, back to the Sacramento Hmong trial thing. I just realized that the Shaman's name was "Wang Her Vang". Awesome. Just don't tell any overweight basically unattractive women you might walk by...

The Fresno Flu, it's killed millions

Sadly, I've been feeling quite uncreative these last few days. A combination of the fallout over that trip to San Fran, a collective several days lacking in action, and the usual stresses of the end of the spring that put many a person down.

I will be leaving Fresno for the summer! How very exciting. Of course, I will try to keep tabs on the city and my friends who will still be here. Because I gotta tell you how much it sucks!! Even from another time zone!!!

Among other things that have me down, a few people I know are graduating from Fresno State and are ecstatic. You'd think they had won the lottery or died and gone to heaven. First off, I don't know what they expect to happen now. Life WILL NOT get any easier just because you have a college degree nor will you have any less work to do.

In fact, it's worse, because you can look forward to the end of the semester in college. With your career you can only look forward to death. Yay!

More importantly, in the craaaaaaaaazy universe where I came from college is fun. It was the best 5 years of my life, and the school president himself couldn't keep me from taking that fifth year (no, he didn't try).

To double check, I looked at my undergraduate school's newspaper online. Sure enough, there were no less than 3 columns that detailed how sad the author was to be leaving. One called his graduation "one of life's tragedies" and in another the girl was crying as she wrote the thing. Seriously, she actually wrote, "I'm crying as I write this."

Again, these people enjoyed college, acknowledged that they enjoyed it, and looked to the real world realistically... Then again, the people at Fresno State probably never had fun in college, so they don't know what they're missing.

Therefore:

Ignorance (A.K.A. Fresno) is bliss.